Y107 | Your #1 Hit Music Station

• Tweet
• Sharebar

• Tweet

Dear you,

So I was one of the people who helped make ‘The Happening’ the #3 movie over the weekend. It pulled in over 30 million hard working American dollars. I spent $7.50 and now I’m scared of the wind. I’m not going to give out the ending or spoil the twist but needless to say when the wind blows you better run.

Back in 1999 I thought little kids with shaggy hair and big eyes were cute. I thought of Haley Joel Osmond as Forest Gump’s adorable little kid. Now he scares me. Any kid who sees dead people, hangs out with Bruce Willis, and open all the cabinets in the kitchen is not a cute kid. Not to mention the fact that flipped his 1995 Saturn back in 2006. Who flips a Saturn? What movie star drives a Saturn? Anywho… M. Night Shyamalan made me scared of kids, thanks.

Bring in 2002 and Signs. E.T. made us believe aliens were ok and Drew Barrymore was cute without smack. All you needed was Reese’s Pieces and a bike with a basket. Life was good with aliens. M. Night Shyamalan ruined that too. Not only am I now scared of aliens (It was mostly M. Night, but Sigourney Weaver didn’t help) I also fear giant crop circles. Plus Mel Gibson helped kill my great ideas of aliens, crop circles and Jesus. M. Night is 2 for 2.

2004. The Village. Now I saw the twist coming half way into the movie, seriously. I’m not just saying that like some douchebag who was clenching his armrest the whole movie and trying to act tough in front of his date then walks out and says “that movie wasn’t all that good”. The movie was good and very M. Night Shyamalan-esque. Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, William Hurt, and Sigourney Weaver. Not a bad cast. (Spoiler Alert) However I can’t go into a national forest now without thinking some mentally ill kid dressed up in a red robe with a pig face isn’t trying to kill me. Even if that is true there certainly will not be a blind girl trying to save me. I’m just saying a blind girl probably has more important things to do then try to save a dude like me. Scared of National Forests, Adrien Brody, and honestly, that thing on Joaquin Phoenix’s lip. Thanks M. Night.

Now 2008 and The Happening. I’m scared of wind. Still think Marky Mark is cool, mostly because of ‘The Departed’ though. When ‘The Happening’ starts happening it starts in Central part and heads west, just like every other trend including rollerblading, picnics, and bumper boats. Don’t get me wrong, I wish Zooey Deschanel would run with me anytime the wind blew. Can her eyes get any bigger by the way? Anyway, M. Night has made some good movies, and some bad cough*lady-in-the-water*cough. But more importantly he can take every day things and make them frightening.

I suppose he shouldn’t scare you too much, especially when you realize this is the same guy who wrote the screenplay for ‘Stuart Little’.

Later,

Cooper