Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Anger, Sloth, Lust, Greed.  That’s it.  Those are the 7.  Care to pick which ones I surrendered to on Super Bowl Sunday (the Sabbath ironically)?

We’ll start easy, with Anger (the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury, aka Wrath).  I was rooting for the Cardinals.  I screamed (quite loudly) with anger at the TV when the cardinals turned the ball over, when Warner fumbled, and when Holmes made the final toe-touching TD.  Anger check.

Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.  The most physical work I did all day?  See above.  However, I did say the Lord’s name a few times so this could be a draw, but overall…Sloth check.

Lust.  An inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.  If I was the only guy visiting Go Daddy or reaching for some Doritos after their commercials aired then the other guys are lying (which is also a sin).  Lust check.

Envy.  The desire for others’ traits, status, abilities, or situation.  I didn’t so much partake as I did create.  I have a 50′ Plasma HDTV.  The biggest of all my friends (as of right now).  They were all envious, I know you read this and you were lol.  Envy check.

Pride, from the TV, could give me another point.  But whatever.

Gluttony.  The desire to consume more than that which one requires.  I made a football stadium out of food, seriously.  Estimated caloric intake for the whole thing hovers around 23,000 calories.  I ate wings, Twinkies, cookies, several types of dip, cupcakes, chips, a football made of chocolate, and lets not forget the beer.  Gluttony a big fat check.

As far as Greed goes…I wanted to win the money in our Super Bowl game.  But we’ll let that one slide.

How did you do?

1) I’ll start with the old stand by.  Get in better shape.  Somewhere between Brad Pitt in Fight Club and Will Ferrell in Old School.

2) Learn to play something new.  The guitar, piano, or even a high score on Rock Band would be nice.

3) Get out of debt.  Donations can be mail here in care of Cooper.

4) Beat my previous time for the Duathlon  and Triathlon here in Columbia.

5) Try to make everyone smile at least once

6) Be happy.  It could always be worse.

So that seems like a good start.  Did you make any resolutions for 2009? 

The political season is over and in Warrenton Missouri and they have a new Sheriff, it is not Rich Black.  However it should be.  I don’t know Rich, his family, his experience or his stance on anything but he had one of the funniest political sign in the last 20 years.

For those of you who can’t see where this is going there is a little comedy known as Blazing Saddles.  It is #6 on AFI’s 100 funniest American films.  To help this story move along the old west town in Blazing Saddles gets a new sheriff…who is black.

Get it now?  Rich Black (who is white) had political signs that said Black Sheriff for Warrenton.  Intended or not it was hilarious.  If you don’t get it, or the title of this blog, rent Blazing Saddles and realize it’s ok to laugh at unintended hilarity.

See any funny political signs in the last few months?

Working in radio we get a few perks every so often, Mizzou tickets being one of them.  I was at our free Y107 Tiger Tailgate on a crisp October day in 2003.  Football was in the air and the putrid smell that wafted it’s way eastward, from Nebraska, into Columbia was known as the Cornhusker. 

Yes.  That game.  My last game in the stands of good ol’ Faurot.  Ever since that one game I have, somewhat conscious, avoided going to another home game.  Even when Chase and company would rout a school by 30 points I would still be glad I wasn’t there.

What I saw on that rainy October night was amazing.  Not perfect, not easy, not effortless like we are use to now, but amazing.  The Tigers were up by 4 at halftime and then outscored 14-0 in the 3rd quarter.  That’s when it all started to happen.  The red shirts in the crowd begin to lose volume.  A successful fake field goal and a rout of 17 unanswered points in the 4th quarter led the Tigers to the first win, 41-24, at home against the Cornhuskers since 1973.

It was amazing!  We all, rushed the field, tore down goalposts, hugged Mizzou players, dodged fists from Nebraska players, and had a great time.  That was my last home game.  I hope you see why.

This weekend the #3, 5-0 Tigers take on the #17, 5-0 Cowboys from Oklahoma State.  It will be a great game.  Maybe not amazing, but great and I’ll be there thinking…This is cool, but not rush the field cool.

What’s your most memorable Mizzou game?

***MY BAD.  SATURDAY WASN’T GREAT, SORRY***

 If you’ve seen the movie Wild Things then you know there are 3 reasons why it is a good movie…and you get that joke.  Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Kevin Bacon, and Matt Dillion all star in this story about sex, lies, deceit and more sex with a lot of twists.  I recently ran to Wally World to grab some cassettes (ask your parents) for work.  Knowing this is going to be a short trip I grab cash and my keys.  No wallet, no ID.  I grab the cassettes (seriously, just ask them.) and strolled by the $5 DVD section.  Glancing as I walked by Wild Things caught my attention.  Maybe it was the wet Denise Richards on the cover.  So I said to myself, ”Self, that’s worth 5 bucks.” and made my way to the express checkout. 

Now, I know we all have a job to do, but bending the rules under certain circumstances is how this world rolls along.  The elderly woman behind the counter ask to see my ID since Wild Things is an R rated movie.  I reach for my wallet and remembered it wasn’t there.  I said “Oh, I don’t have it on me, I left it at work.”  “Sorry”, she said with a slight “nice try sonny” smile.  I believe the next words out of my mouth were “you can’t be serious, I don’t look over 17 to you?”  Politely she answered, “These days It’s hard to tell.”  Mind you I am in my mid 20’s with a deep voice and, on top of that, this is in the middle of a school day!  I’m ok with being carded for beer but an R rated movie?  I don’t think I was ever carded at the movies.  I was none too happy.

Needless to say that old woman, who takes her job a little to seriously, won this time.  However, just 2 days after that I was watching Wild Things on my 50″ plasma.  So take that old lady!

Ever been carded for something stupid?  Do share.

Leona Lewis – She is attractive to say the least.  She can actually sing too.  It might be un-manly but I picked up her album Spirit and it’s full of hits including the latest single Better In Time.  Might be a bit girly but still good stuff.

Ludo – These guys are from my home place of St. Louis and their major label debut You’re Awful, I Love You is in stores now.  I have track 1, Love Me Dead on constant repeat.  Also Lake Pontchartrain is an awesomely written song.  Check out Go-Getter Greg and Drunken Lament too.

Weezer – Pork and Beans is just the tip of the splendid iceberg that is their latest album, nicknamed The Red Album.  The Greatest Man That Ever Lived blazes through almost every genre in less than 7 minutes.  Everybody Get Dangerous and Troublemaker make this one of Weezer’s best.

Flobots – “I can ride my bike with…”  No handlebars.  Fight With Tools is the album and they have a little bit of everything; rock, pop, hip-hop.  These guys are some of the best lyricists around right now and they mix in a side of politics too.

So if you want check some of these songs out go here, but I didn’t tell you to.

What are you listenng to this week?

Madonna: She killed in the 80’s, period. Madonna was the cat’s pajamas. Well somebody should tell Madonna, and that lady in your office from accounting, that the 80’s are over. Kissing Britney Spears in 2003 and gaining a British accent out of nowhere to messing around with A-Rod you can tell the end is upon us. However she is selling hella tickets for her upcoming tour. Verdict: Draw.

Joni Mitchell: Compare yourself to Bob Dylan, fine. Compare yourself to Beethoven? Hello, ego, party of 1. She was cool for not being cool but now she’s…just not cool. Verdict: Quit

Bryan Adams: Sure I love ”Summer of 69″ and the ”Robin Hood” song as much as the next straight guy but…what else does he sing again? Verdict: Quit, and go back to Canada.

The Rolling Stones: Old? Sure. Scary? A little. Rockin? Yeah! The Stones body of work speaks for itself. They can keep on doing whatever they want to do until they all overdose or fall out of trees, whatever comes first. Verdict: Keep Rockin’.

Elton John: So the whole Lion King, Candle in the Wind, Disney music thing didn’t help my decision. However, when Sir Elton rolled thru Columbia in 2007 he put on one of the best shows I’ve seen. Sure his best work is behind him but so what? At least he’s not having an affair with A-Rod. Verdict: Keep Rockin’.

Pink: Never liked her. Society does not benefit from her. Plus I doubt we will miss her once her really long 15 minutes are up. Verdict: Quit, dear God quit already!

So that wasn’t too bad. Let me know what you think and feel free to add your own artist.

Except at Wrigley, those probably taste like butt. Secondly, if you don’t take off your hat during out National Anthem you are a loser and your parents should have smacked you more.

Also I saw Chubby Checker in concert…Yes he is still alive. If you’re not sure who Chubby is, he is the guy who sings The Twist. You’ve done it at a wedding. We all have. At 67 he is still doing the twist better than anybody. I was actually surprised by his performance, which was a family outing by the way. I sat by the bar with drink in hand as Chubby put on a fun, entertaining, upbeat show. I’ve seen some younger acts at the Blue Note that have done worse.

That’s about it from last week. By the way, the Cubs will not win the World Series. If they do I will shave my head. Promise.

p.s. Mason farts…a lot.

So I was one of the people who helped make ‘The Happening’ the #3 movie over the weekend. It pulled in over 30 million hard working American dollars. I spent $7.50 and now I’m scared of the wind. I’m not going to give out the ending or spoil the twist but needless to say when the wind blows you better run.

Back in 1999 I thought little kids with shaggy hair and big eyes were cute. I thought of Haley Joel Osmond as Forest Gump’s adorable little kid. Now he scares me. Any kid who sees dead people, hangs out with Bruce Willis, and open all the cabinets in the kitchen is not a cute kid. Not to mention the fact that flipped his 1995 Saturn back in 2006. Who flips a Saturn? What movie star drives a Saturn? Anywho… M. Night Shyamalan made me scared of kids, thanks.

Bring in 2002 and Signs. E.T. made us believe aliens were ok and Drew Barrymore was cute without smack. All you needed was Reese’s Pieces and a bike with a basket. Life was good with aliens. M. Night Shyamalan ruined that too. Not only am I now scared of aliens (It was mostly M. Night, but Sigourney Weaver didn’t help) I also fear giant crop circles. Plus Mel Gibson helped kill my great ideas of aliens, crop circles and Jesus. M. Night is 2 for 2.

2004. The Village. Now I saw the twist coming half way into the movie, seriously. I’m not just saying that like some douchebag who was clenching his armrest the whole movie and trying to act tough in front of his date then walks out and says “that movie wasn’t all that good”. The movie was good and very M. Night Shyamalan-esque. Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, William Hurt, and Sigourney Weaver. Not a bad cast. (Spoiler Alert) However I can’t go into a national forest now without thinking some mentally ill kid dressed up in a red robe with a pig face isn’t trying to kill me. Even if that is true there certainly will not be a blind girl trying to save me. I’m just saying a blind girl probably has more important things to do then try to save a dude like me. Scared of National Forests, Adrien Brody, and honestly, that thing on Joaquin Phoenix’s lip. Thanks M. Night.

Now 2008 and The Happening. I’m scared of wind. Still think Marky Mark is cool, mostly because of ‘The Departed’ though. When ‘The Happening’ starts happening it starts in Central part and heads west, just like every other trend including rollerblading, picnics, and bumper boats. Don’t get me wrong, I wish Zooey Deschanel would run with me anytime the wind blew. Can her eyes get any bigger by the way? Anyway, M. Night has made some good movies, and some bad cough*lady-in-the-water*cough. But more importantly he can take every day things and make them frightening.

I suppose he shouldn’t scare you too much, especially when you realize this is the same guy who wrote the screenplay for ‘Stuart Little’.

Later,

Cooper